When there is so much more to say

The problem is, I often fail to say it.

Life these past weeks has been very full, and so much more than Sunday school classes and homework assignments.  Sorry, that was easier to jet straight onto the blog, though!  I hardly know how to capture the other things.

If two months ago you had shown me a snapshot of my personal life today, I think I would have told you to quit making things up.  =)  My roommates and I have grown closer, and we've had a few successful attempts at sharing our home and food -- and we hosted a clothing swap that was a blast!  I'm dating a man who supports, stretches and nurtures every aspect of my life, especially the part having to do with my relationship with God.  (Sorry if you haven't heard in person; dispersed technology makes privacy and disclosure a bit tricky.)  Whenever I'm shocked by all this goodness, I remind myself that it's not like I haven't been praying for these things, and it's not like our Father doesn't give GOOD GIFTS!

Ministry is also dynamic these days.  I love the freedom to pivot and focus on certain things in a given time-- it keeps me on my toes and invites constant discernment.  Right now, the big things in my sights are developing financial partners for ongoing ministry and preparing for the Global Urban Trek in June and July.  I'll be returning to Lima, Peru to direct the Trek, and so these next few weeks are full of accepting students who've applied, lining up host families, and coordinating details with partners in Lima.  During this year, I have become fairly established in San Diego, deepening my familiarity with people and places here.  It's been more difficult to hold that rootedness in a place in tension with my heart for the world, and particularly with my love for the city of Lima.  Yet, my trip there last week reminded me of the joy of stewarding others in distant places, of seeing God's restoration at work, and of bringing people home not just geographically, but spiritually.  Not a moment too soon, God jump-started my dreaming for the Trek this summer, and I am already amazed at how he has provided for it.  It is so exciting-- definitely an experience already of redemption from years that were more difficult.

I was looking forward to Lent this year, largely because I enjoyed it so much last year.  Yet, this morning I woke up and realized that sometimes I've even forgotten about it being Lent.  Partly that comes out of so many things shifting and in motion in my life (with sometimes it being me, literally, in motion)-- whereas last year I felt stilled, in a place of learning and waiting.  I also feel more distinctly the tiredness that falls on so many church people (church workers) leading up to Easter, "the big event," so to speak.  "After Easter" becomes a common time designator, with a sigh.  As for me, I am happily anticipating Easter.  I can't believe Holy Week is upon us.  Aaagh, I would love to reflect on that, too!  There is so much more to say!

All in good time.

Part of the Problem with Blogging about Life...

is captured well by my friend Jason Evans here.

I too have been spending time at the temporary winter shelter at our church for the past month.  And I haven't written about it, even though there are certainly reasons I should have.  You would love to know that my church here took a risk and plunged into service to "the least of these" brothers and sisters: men and women who've been making a life on the streets.  You would get a kick out of some of our conversations and you would be touched by the stories we share and you would be irritated by people's quirks.  That's all part of the experience, but I feel rather strongly that I don't always have the privilege of putting other people's stories on display.  As Jason writes, "this isn't simply a project; it is the names and faces of those that are our guests"-- and I would add, those that are our friends.

However, I can (and should) tell you the details of the project.  For 6 weeks, First Presbyterian Church of San Diego has provided space and supervision for 8-12 guests to sleep each night.  Individuals who had contact with the church and its other outreach ministries applied and were accepted for the duration of the program, so that it's the same little group that has become a family of sorts, night by night.  Each guest puts up and takes down his or her air mattress bed each night, and volunteers from churches around the city take shifts-- hanging out and sharing food in the evenings, cleaning up and clearing the room in the mornings.  This was prompted by conviction about our responsibility as a downtown faith community, in the face of uncertainty about whether the city would provide space for a larger shelter during the damp winter months.  There was a protracted process that culminated in setting up a large tent for housing-- I hear it's a pretty awful place to stay.  I should add that it wasn't easy for the church to make this decision, either.  It was a risk, and not everyone felt we were up to the task.

The question that may be lingering for you now might be "Well, is it working?"  I don't know.  We've lost a couple of the original guests, which was probably bound to happen.  If they miss two nights, they are no longer eligible for the shelter.  One couple sings in the church choir every Sunday morning.  Each person is really quite endearing, but that doesn't mean there's a clear path to anything remotely close to "fixing" his or her life. People are stubborn and people have problems.  People try hard and people have lots of potential.  All of this is true of you and me, and it's true of the guests at First Pres.  We've got a few more weeks; I'll post some more thoughts along the way.

Now that I've blogged and pondered, I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that I'm navigating what I want to say, what has meaning, and what needs to be shared.  The people person that I am just wants to plunge into the stories.  And never fear, I still believe there are stories to be told!  Sometimes, though, I think I need to take a step back and wait a moment to choose a lens that is honorable and just and true and worthy of praise.  I'm learning as I go.

Back from Big City

It's a courtesy post, to say that I'm back, to say that my trip in Chicago (and a little bit of Indianapolis) was great, and to say that I'll say more soon.  =)

Early sunlight as I walked along the Chicago River.

Life Humming, Blog Sputtering

The sun slides down to quietly close another day.  The weather is phenomenal-- I can almost imagine the dry air is part of autumn.  Palm trees mess up that image, but oh well.

Another day, and my to-do list still looms.  Instead of becoming the rare event of the month, it's now common to have several days a week completely full of meetings: churches, pastors, co-workers, friends.  Planning, praying, talking, exploring.  Here are some of the things on the docket (and my HOPE is to offer deeper profiles and information for you in future posts)----

-City College, with InterVarsity
-Third Avenue Charitable Organization (TACO)
-City Heights charter school & community center
-Bible study with some other young women nearby
-planning & leading a weekend prayer retreat
-supporting leadership at 2 local Presbyterian churches

Continuing to watch some irons in the fire: in Tijuana, at a local hospital, and with the Global Urban Trek. And renewing my energy for raising the financial support to keep it all going!

Week in the Life

I've realized how much of the blog lately has been REFLECTIVE, so I figured I'd put a little concrete update in here for those of you who want to know what the heck I do everyday.  While I don't have any kind of a typical day, maybe a glance at the whole week will help!

My week in review:
Sunday- 7.(something) mile run with neighbor!  Church with First Presbyterian.  Led prayer walk in City Heights for local church.  Joined CRM missional community folks for dinner and prayer and discussion.

Monday- inductive Bible study with a friend, digging into 1 John.  So many good questions there!  Then Tijuana boys' home for conversation, hanging out, talking about surfing, taking the kids to school.  Took about 2 hours to cross the border back into the US; a man just ahead of me in line got taken away in handcuffs.  I came home, cooked dinner, and watched a bilingual film ("English as a Second Language") about the emptiness of life on the border.

Tuesday- got up and started going through emails when I got a call from a college friend I hadn't talked to in 6+ months!  We talked 'till I had to get ready for my weekly check-in meeting with Geoff.  Geoff and I caught up, pondering God in daily life and the balance between being involved in lots of great things and a restful availability (ie: not being crazy busy).  Another long-overdue conversation with a college friend, and then with my family.  Bought plane tickets for our CRM world staff conference in Malaysia!!!

Wednesday- Weekly staff meeting with other CRM folks in San Diego, discussing Mansions of the Heart (spiritual formation based on Theresa of Avila's writings).  MARATHON emailing session to get my inbox in order.  (Sorry if I owe you an email, I've been backlogged lately as I spend lots of time looking for plane tickets in Asia.)  Bible study with roommates and some architectures students downtown.  Matthew 12 and Revelation 7.  Weird stuff.

Thursday- full day in Fullerton (Orange County).  Drove up for a roundtable discussion/ workshop with other community development practitioners weaving together expertise of City-Reaching (master networkers), Community Development (local organizer- neighbor ministry types), and Prayer/ Intercessors (the people who love to pray).  Great discussions and fun people to meet.  Then swung by the CRM office in Anaheim to catch up and wait out rush hour traffic.  Played with friends' baby boy.  Got home and went out for Vietnamese food and gourmet dessert with apartment #1 neighbors-- I'm still full! 

Friday- another early morning-- chopping vegetables to feed homeless/ low-income folks downtown.  Meeting with local church plant about community center planning and prayer.

And on and on! And those are just the highlights!  I'm sure I'm missing various fun nuggets of life and ministry in there, but if you want to know more, just holler and I'll fill you in.  =)

Somethin's Happenin Here

(Praise God!)

For the first time in a while, I've been BUSY.  Not pretend-busy, not finding things to do here and there, but legitemately, dawn-to-dusk (or mid-morning to late evening...) busy.  It all started almost two weeks ago-- and yes, it's been an excuse for sparse blogging.  I've continued meeting with people doing ministry here in the city, and those meetings have transitioned from lots of "Hi, What do you do?" conversations into "Let's talk more about ____" discussions.  That is deeply reassuring and hopeful to me.  Baby steps and opening doors.

Then, as blogged about last week, I spent a day in Ensenada, Mexico.  The next day, I met up with a former Trek student (going to Mexico City this summer as Trek staff!) and then went into team meeting mode.  Thursday through Saturday were Urban Mosaic meeting and training days, so the 4 other guys on our team with Geoff and me rolled in from Seattle and greater L.A.  It was wonderful to finally put faces with names, to hang out, learn more about Appreciative Inquiry as a congregational change process, and grapple with team identity, purpose, and performance.

Yeah, that mouthful about congregational change appreciative WHAT?  =)  Basically, Appreciative Inquiry is a very intentionally positive way of going about change-- applicable to any institution.  We see Biblical principles all over it, because it finds and affirms what is right and good in an organization (Philippians 4:8, as a relevant support).  It's a lot like doing community development based on assets or evaluating a person by his/ her strengths.  Fleshing out our reading with hands-on understanding and dialogue brought out the potential delights and difficulties of using the methodology in a church setting.

Then, after a day of sabbath rest, a new week roared into action with a day-long conference with Luis Palau CityFest folks, followed by some other good, God-infused meetings.  And now it feels right to take a few days to stay on top of emails and administrative joys.  Oh Lord, be my guide...!

Inspired

That was my primary reaction to the week of staff orientation (called First Things) with Church Resource Ministries.  Having technically been hired 9 months earlier, I didn't have huge expectations for the loaded week of sessions, training and activities.  But I really appreciated the work, thought and prayer that went into bringing staff on board well.  Even though I had completed my initial support-raising, the concepts taught were solid reinforcements to my own experiences.  Above all, the ethos of CRM shone through 7 full days.  There was a clear priority and emphasis placed on THE first thing in life and ministry: our relationship to Jesus.  Incredible people shared their stories and feedback to sharpen one another.  Vulnerability was clearly valued, with open tears and personal testimonies.  I was impressed by the fact that nearly everyone I spoke with mentioned a major point of growth that they had encounted in the past year or two.  No one had all their stuff figured out and squared away, regardless of age and experience.

Of course, we also went through financial protocols, IRS compliance and checklists galore.  There's no way to make some of those things living, inspiring pieces.  That's okay.  Through it all was a conviction of being in the right place at the right time.  I'm glad for new friendships, new respect for CRM, and new checkpoints with which to hone the ways I pursue ministry and call.  Onward we go!

Road-Trip Recap

From east to west, old friends, new friends, and SAND.  Sorry, didn't start taking pictures 'till halfway... Texas and Arkansas just didn't capture the imagination, for some reason.

Ready to Faspa?!  (traditional Mennonite meal for afternoons-- we overindulged after Abby's wedding) Seminole, TX

White Sands Nat'l Monument, NM.

Yellow sands on the Mexican border, west of Mexicali, CA, I think.

Made it to the Pacific Ocean!!!  San Diego, CA.

No awards here for great documentation, but it's a little taste of what we went through.  This land is your land, this land is my land...  =)

New City Sweet Home.

I made it to San Diego.  Thoughts to come on crossing the country and revving up.  For now, rest and re-orientation in a new place.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

I haven't posted raw facts for awhile, mostly because I've been in a sort of neutral gear.  Not that things haven't been moving, but the motor hasn't been revved for any hills or rises.  That's good for me, I think-- as a person who loves to work and strive and get over the next hill and around the next bend.  As I putter along in the quiet of a stalled engine, God does astounding, wonderful things.

1.  Funding.  Wondrously, miraculously arrived at 93% funded.  Because nearly half of that came in one-time cash gifts that will parse out to see me through part of the year, I know that I'm nowhere close to being able to put up my feet and call it done, but it's still a fantastic thing to see.  Particularly because it gives me the go-ahead to...
2.  MOVE!  I have begun looking at maps and routes, and the current plan is to start driving right before New Year's, attend a dear friend's wedding in Texas, and roll into San Diego in the first week of January.
3.  And I will live in City Heights!  Thanks be to God, I have a place to live confirmed, with 2 housemates who've been living there for awhile (both women who work for InterVarsity in community colleges, who have also been on the Global Urban Trek-- fun connections).  The short version of the story is that a friend connected us in August, knowing that I was getting ready to come to San Diego... at some point.  Unfortunately, I had to keep pushing back my relocation date as I continued to raise support.  In October, I gave up trying to hold on to this living situation and assumed I was back to square one.  Along came the end of November, the plan to move SOON, and the need to find housing.  I began asking around again, and the room was still available!  Hooray!  The landlord hadn't charged rent on that room, simply praying that "the right person would come along to fill it." 

What peace-filled, wonderful gifts.  Many, many answers to prayer are woven through all the developments of the past few weeks, and I give thanks and praise to the God who is the author and giver of all good things.

On the Map

Travel:  heading out to Bear Trap Ranch (Colorado) for InterVarsity Global Debriefing through the weekend!  Excited for the opportunity to be with other directors who were overseas this past summer, to retreat, to meet, and probably to see some snow.  =)

Funding:  now at 71%!!!  That leaves only $1,000 to raise in monthly support.  Please continue to pray for God's provision with new and growing partnerships of support.

Me:  doing well, staying busy between church, Spanish translation, and fundraising.  Last week for the first time I began to feel truly content and trust-ful about the process.  Feeling the need to be more brave and adventuresome in my support-raising conversations, but also feeling ready to do that.  Praise God.

Going on the Map

First update time!
Where in the World... hometown, Duplex, TN, at home, except for occasional weeks and weekends house-sitting in the vicinity.

Doing What? 

• Raising support with CRM/ Urban Mosaic (appointments, letters, phone calls) - now 65% funded.  Yay!
• Spanish translation-- spending a few hours helping an early childhood development program connect with Spanish-speaking families.
• Serving on a Stewardship Task Force at my home church: help members cast vision for the ministry of the church and respond with their own commitments to that ministry.
• Reading, praying, preparing, trying to be patient...

 So, In the Books...

• Just finished In Her Shoes (Jennifer Weiner)- a light, funny novel with moments of depth.
• Working through God of Old (James L. Kugel)- a look at the Hebrew conception of God seen in the Old Testament.
• Daily devotionals in Jesus Calling (Sarah Young)- okay, I hesitate to admit how much I love this devotional book, because it has one of those cheesy Christian book-covers and it was on a display at Barnes & Noble.  BUT its words have unique power as they're written to the reader in 2nd person ("you"), as from God/ Jesus/ Holy Spirit.  As there's a prayer or reminder to YOU each day, there are also references to the scripture verses on which they're based.

Always feel free to comment or email with suggestions of other info that would be fun to know!  It'll grow.  :)